THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
I remember growing up having a lot of plans; plans about
what I will do or must have achieved by a certain age. I can still hear my
siblings and I talking about being in JJS 1 by age 11, SS3 by age 16. We also
planned to get into the university immediately and study a particular course,
graduate, and then get a job and get married. All of our plans had a time (age)
stamp. We had no doubt that it would all happen as planned, and that
anticipation made us so happy.
What my ‘young and full of life’ mind didn’t know was that
plans change and even if they refuse to, they may be forced to, by the
surprising changes of life itself. So, I was not prepared when things didn’t go as planned. I was
shocked. It wasn’t meant to go this way! It was supposed to be exactly how I
thought it would be.
I didn’t know how to handle the disappointments that
came my way. The ones that came with a sudden break up exactly at the age I had
stamped for marriage in my self-made life plan. Also the ones that came with
the seemingly unending search for a job; the regret emails that came, the
applications that were left unanswered, the rejections that were as a result of
my gender and the ones that were because I didn’t know the right people. I was
suddenly thrown out of the illusion I had, that all I needed to ensure I got a
good shot at the best of life was just to work hard and make good grades. The
system taught me otherwise, and it was for me, a hard pill to swallow.
So, before I knew it, the disappointments started to weigh me down,
and I became unhappy. I was, however, sure that I would be happy once all the
plans that had gone haywire fall back into place. So, I focused on pursuing all
of them, for I believed that pursing them meant pursuing happiness. I believed that when I succeed, I will finally be happy.
But in a rather dramatic way, I learnt a valuable lesson that changed me forever. I learnt that
happiness does not come with a manual. Happiness is not something that happens
down the road, it is now or not at all, and if I spend my life waiting for
something else to get me there, I am not living, and that is not happiness. It
is a boss that will always have one more project to be done before he grants my
wish and that is not happiness. I learnt that happiness is now.
So, I realised that life is short and if I spend all my time
waiting for a job or ‘the ONE,' I will only succeed in wasting a perfectly good chance to be happy.
So, I chose to tell myself that whether married or single, working or not; I
will never wait for anything outside myself to change before I choose to be happy.
Yes, I will continue to pursue and fulfill all my plans, but
I will do so in happiness, for only in the happiness of pursuit can I truly
find fulfillment.
I hope you do the same.
Will sure do!!! Happiness is now
ReplyDeleteNow I av to take a deep breathe, search for my laptop and make a loud comment. I really connect with this...walahi!
ReplyDeleteWe all av this mix at our hay days...that well laid out plans, that expectation, that crumbling days, that moment when it feels like we av gotten it all wrong, that down time, that quite moment we wonder wht has happened to our fairy tale world....smiles.
I love ur works Tee. The simplicity of ur words coupled with the art of making ur readers see thru ur heart. it's all compelling Tee. This is art.
Gratias Tee. I still believe in that sparkling light in U.
Sure,I knew about some of your plans,but I have learnt that God has the final plan . It sometimes looks confusing but it will surely end with a broad smile...keep the happiness alive sis.
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ReplyDeleteI doubt if anyone who reads this piece will not ‘connect’ with its premises and conclusion – the universal pursuit of happiness. I share your views – maybe my own disappointments were more, lol! Without necessarily going into an autobiographical account, let me just state, in agreement with you, that in our individual pursuit of happiness, we would do well to understand that in life, two broad divisions exist, to wit: (1.) those things that are within our control and (2.) those things beyond our control. For the former, we have ‘things’ like our desires, aversions, impulses, and others that are our own doing. For the latter, we can list stuffs like our physical bodies, what we own (i.e. our property), reputation, status, and position we occupy in life – in other words, those ‘things’ that are not our own doing. True happiness, I think, lie, first, in grasping this crucial distinction and patterning one’s life, accordingly. Failure to, of course, will be, as always is, greeted by the disappointment (essentially, unhappiness) you earlier mentioned. Let us live with a higher degree of reflection and care about this short life, than hitherto and we’ll realize that happiness is a subjective – that is, self-made – state. Let me conclude by way of quoting Epictetus, an ancient thinker, thus: “Do not seek to have events as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well.”
I love this highly insightful post. I thank you for sharing this thought with us on this platform. God bless you, and us – in our pursuit of happiness!